I’m sophie and I desperately need/want recovery. More than anything mainly to live my life to the full. I guess with mental illness you appreciate the good parts of life so much more. For example working, studying, meeting friends, leaving the house, travelling etc.
I have been trying to recover for 3 years, my mental health started when I was 14/15 although I refused help until I was forced into mental health services at age 18. It all started with severe depression to the point of being so scared of myself at age 18. I was petrified that I would commit suicide but really didn’t want too but I felt I had no control over my actions. I had the planned a date New Year’s Eve 31/12/2012 at midnight. I told my mum and broke down completely. She took me straight to a doctor at the out of hours service. I ended up admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I then spent the majority of those 2 years in and out of the wards. I was told I was a revolving door patient and the mental health team were afraid I was becoming institutionalised. I then spent a whole 6 months in the worst and best time of my life. I met my best friends there but also struggled hugely and never thought I would get discharged as I was in a terrible place.
At age 15 I was using drugs, alchohol, going to parties in the woods with strangers mostly guys a few years older than me. Putting myself in very risky situations. But then recklessness is part of my condition. My primary condition is emotionally unstable personality disorder. I will explain more in future blog posts.
My recovery goals are to complete a degree in Psychology at Roehampton University, to live independently with my girlfriend, to be able to travel, to work full time, and live a life with stability. All of this I would love and appreciate. But living with mental illness makes all of this a huge struggle. Some days, its hard to get in the shower, do my hair and put make up on, to eat, to go out. But other days it’s so easy. Its like I’m living constantly on this rollercoaster ride of stable and unstable. I guess that’s what its like living with my mental health issues. I have emotionally unstable personality disorder, probable rapid cycling bipolar and anxiety. I will talk more about those in later blog posts.
All I really wish to say is that I am on the road to recovery and I know others struggling should try to join me as they are strong enough. Deciding to recover takes inner strength but I also know it is possible if you put in the work.